Vershun’s Brain Dump

I’m all cracked out on Red Bulls and cigs (I’ve barely had any caffeine or nicotine for the past couple weeks and about a half pack + 3 redbulls tonight).

So I go outside for a smoke and I see a big rodent creature crossing the street. I was excited because I saw my first opossum recently up here so I sneakily follow it and it turns out it’s just a stupid fucking racoon.

I get up real close to the fucker and he stands up and looks at me like WTF U GUNNA DO?! This puts my shaky ass in a rage and I chase the fucker up a tree yelling “BACKACKAKCKAXKCCKCAKCKA.”

Anyway it turns out about 10 yards away a guy was smoking and he was just staring at me with his eyes wide and jaw dropped. I walk off muttering to myself and tapping my thigh like a crazy person.

Later, I went to take a piss and noticed 2 hideous and large growths on my penis. Terrifying.  Luckily they were just breadcrumbs. I’m wearing pants when I eat PBJ from now on.

Canada has warnings about smoking with pretty miserable pictures accompanying them.  Examples are:

I tried one of my own:

Approval pending.

Wasn’t quite sure what to think of this one.

Had a blast in Niagara Falls.  I’ll write about it… errr… sometime.

So I was working at Panera Bread (the office) and I go outside to smoke and call my friend. All of a sudden a hurricane-esque wind picks up one of their gargantuan umbrellas and throws it into Panera’s glass. I narrowly dodge it and my pride of being Neo from the Matrix almost allows me to ignore all the aghast patrons of this fine establishment looking at me like I’m Osama Bin Laden.

Being the decent fellow that I am, I decide I will fold up this huge umbrella and put the minds of the innocent folks at ease. So I’m just about 4 feet from the enormous death pole that goes down the center of a table when another gust of wind PICKS UP THE FUCKING UMBRELLA AND SHOVES IT INTO MY FUCKING SHOULDER LIKE A SCENE FROM TROY. My arm was rendered useless and through the tears forming in my eyes I saw two attractive ladies laughing gleefully at me.

Anyway, I recovered and gracefully folded up the umbrella as the manager started grabbing the others.

Result:

Later on the same manager came by and said I get a drink on the house next time I come in due to the “umbrella incident.”

Evan: 2
Umbrella/Wind: 1

Fuckers.

This happened a few days ago.  Yesterday I went in there and as I was taking my food to the table I faintly heard him say “that’s the guy that….”  Guess we can’t always choose what we’re famous for.

I still have a pretty good mark on my shoulder from it.  Lindsey called it a “little scratch,” but I’m assuming she was just in shock from seeing such a serious injury.

Saw this sign outside of the “Bates Motel” in Mishawaka, Indiana and thought it was delicious.

Sometimes I really annoy myself at the stupid shit I do when I get bored.

Case in point:

Mix in with rest of pack.

P.S.  This blog has turned into a 14 year old girl’s diary.  I apologize.  NO MOAR!

The Chinese government, in response to increasing protests against its human rights violations and its actions in Tibet, have developed an “Olympic Torch Reigniter.” The Chinese hope this will deter further attempts at extinguishing the Olympic flame.

upon the metaphysical elements of coherent thought and analysis; mainly as it pertains to linguistic rigidity: