Vershun’s Brain Dump

It’s been a stressful couple weeks. I hate school; I don’t know why I’m doing it anymore. It’s a perpetual tug-of-war between learning and actual application, both of which I do just for the useless rewards.

I don’t know when I stopped enjoying either.

I’m stressed out too. Devoting more and more time to things that make me unhappy while sacrificing the people and things I love. I’m envious of those that are trying to make a difference; I’d like to think someday I will, but they go by so quickly I don’t know if I’ll ever go to sleep satisfied with what I accomplished that day.

Speaking of sleep, I need more of it. My body and mind are crumbling. I haven’t ever really been mentally acute, but now my thoughts melt and fade into one another. A precise thought is an exertion.

I hate to see her hurt. I hate myself when I know I’m the one doing it.

My lungs feel tight, I need a cigarette though. This is my last pack. Promise.

This post is particularly lame; I should’ve started with “Dear Diary.” No solutions because the problems are undefined. Worthless.

I suppose you can’t free() without knowing where you malloc()d.