Vershun’s Brain Dump

It’s strange the way time drives you so fast through the good times.  Where everything just becomes a blur while you stare out the window, grinning stupidly at the streaks of blended color.  It’s when the scenery is bleak that time decides to slam on the brakes, to let you really take it in, to make you watch the sunny area slowly fade from the back window.

It’s only been two days since I saw her last.  Jesus, two days.  A number that only makes sense to me abstractly; it feels like it has been a week.  Sleep doesn’t even offer me an escape.  I dream about us and when I wake up alone I want nothing more than to kiss her awake; to see that little smile she gets when she feels me on her cheek.

I keep questioning if it was the right thing to do; to push each other away because it won’t work in the long run.  Maybe love needs the cycle.  Maybe it’s vital for us to get sick of each other, use up all the love we have.  Maybe the only way for a friendship to grow is by having the romance completely depleted.  Or maybe I’m just upset.

Looking at it from a third party perspective I suppose it’s a good ending.  We still love each other, we’ll be friends I’m sure, and we didn’t have to go through getting miserable being with each other before we broke up.  I don’t have that many regrets.  We might have dropped into routing a bit, but I never kissed her once out of obligation and every time I told her I loved her I meant it with all my heart.  It’s bittersweet to not have to put on the rose-colored glasses to see the good in our relationship.

I want to see her happy though.  I know she’ll find someone better suited for her and she’ll be better off; hell maybe far down the road we’ll realize we’re not that different after all.  It hurts me to see her sad though.  It’s probably too soon but I want her to be happier than she was with me; isn’t that why we did this in the first place?

I apologize to anyone who reads this drab shit.  It’s just a way for me to work through stuff while letting the couple people that care know what’s going on.  Plus I guess the “brain dump” title gives me permission to write whatever is on my mind.  Awesome.