Seems like some sort of bastardized vacation
by Vershun on Jul.02, 2008, under Lame
Or maybe a dream. Doesn’t quite feel like living yet.
Colorado seems so far away in my head; a clusterfuck of good memories that I know are rose-tinted and don’t even belong together. There’s a weird, tiny part of me that illogically thinks everything is waiting back there. That some sort of strange trip would get me scotch with Doug, coffee with T, parks with Laura, bars with Alex and Andy, seeing my family in our old house, playing with our deceased dog Misty, drinking with the Durango kids (Lauren, Greg, Kail, Brian, Matt, Amber, Kristin, Fred, etc) and finishing the night off with some wine and a movie with Haley.
None of those I’ve ever really had during the same time. Half of them are geographically separated and most of them are separated by time. Most of the things in that list I’ll never have again.
I hate absolutes. “Forever” is the worst of them.
Not to say I’m not enjoying my stay here. Not knowing a single soul was tough, but over the past few days I’ve met a few really cool people and hopefully there’s more like them. Cinci is a weird city.
My goofiness is coming back too (not that you’d ever know if from shitastic posts like this), which I missed terribly.
Best of all, my obsessive, racing mind is starting to make itself present again. It comes in little spurts, but with a little time I have a good feeling it’ll be back. It’s the main reason why I left; that persistent uncomfortable feeling you get when you’re out of you are out of your element shoves my mind into a sort of abstract state. I’ve caught myself wondering what periodic traffic models sound like on FM, what new geometries you can discover by ignoring different Euclid postulates (starting with the Parallel Postulate), and how you can use recursive methods to model thought (instead of say, weight matrices ::cough:: neural networks).
Thank God that’s coming back. I was pretty sure that was lost in the haze of my freshman year at college.
So this is the start of a new passion; I want to either set my mind completely at ease and accept mathematics as the best method of abstraction for modeling our world, or I want to destroy it.
