Vershun’s Brain Dump

Where things went wrong

by Vershun on Apr.29, 2008, under Lame

Driving to school today someone cut me off and I was actually angry.

A normal response I guess, but I never used to get angry at silly shit like that.  I remember laughing on multiple occasions when someone would perform a minor traffic infringement at my expense.   So what was different?  Why do I let things upset me now in ways I never did before?

By the time I reached school I knew what had changed; I was serious. Never mind the catalyst of the change, it could have been a million things in the past 2-3 years.  But the way I related to the world had fundamentally changed and the humor I used to see in everything has been extinguished.

The world, and in particular our lives, are a sort of satirical comedy.  A crude and exaggerated mimicry of the “ideal life” we have compiled from friends, family, the media, and a million other sources.  I lost this view and completely bought in to the fact that things actually matter.  I was watching a satire but believing it to be truth.  I don’t want to belittle the depth of other people’s feelings, but for myself and a whole host of other people like me you need to take our feelings in context; and that is that we’re living jokes of lives and anything “deep” we happen to mutter or “great” insights we have are no more profound than the climatic ending of a Saved By the Bell episode.

In short: I need to stop taking everything so fucking seriously, especially myself.

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