Vershun’s Brain Dump

The dialogue started abruptly as I made my way across campus. Sighing, I let them take over my higher level brain functions and recessed into a reptilian state: walk, breathe, blink, swallow. To call it a conversation is perhaps giving the event too much credit; there are no words in all the mess. Rather, it’s a result of thinking strongly from two very different points of view in a small time. Sometimes the two lineages of thought get switched on at the same time, and in some sort of neural cascade I’m forced out and I have to wait through the bombardment of synaptic firing until some sort of temporary peace has been made. It’s a phenomenon I first experienced as far back as elementary school but has been gone for a long while. Maybe it’s stress that triggered it, or the fact that I’ve been reading more often, but the second entity has returned in an annoyingly opinionated manner.

The two sides are the stereotypical overly logical “Left” side and the other the creative, spontaneous, adventurer “Right” side. Throughout college they both coexisted symbiotically, with Right dominating the early years and Left dominating the more recent ones. Very recently (within the last couple months), I have somehow managed to polarize them to their extremes. Perhaps it’s my upcoming graduation that did it. That the act of deciding things that will affect the rest of my life has split my mind in half; each entity fighting for control of the future. What felt like an infinite amount of options and the feeling that there is always time to do things dwindles down to only a couple of life routes. I think I’m starting to see that “sometime you’ll be able to do that” just isn’t true, and the two parts of me are struggling to gain dominance before I make a choice that loses one of them forever.

I had a dream, either last night or the night before, in which I figured out everything I really had to do in life. I awoke with a huge smile on my face and the solution in my mind. Not a simple one, but the correct one. I was going to write it down, but I was tired and how would I ever forget something so significant?

So until I remember what that solution was, or even if one really exists, Right seems to have regained its personal residence in my head for the time being; residing uncomfortably in its old chair that it has grown much too large for.