Vershun’s Brain Dump

Hanes’s “Just Wait Till We Get Our Hanes on You” ads

Of all the glory the internots has documented, I could not find a picture of this pseudo-threatening phrase anywhere. For those of us that remember the cute little tune and smiling faces dancing around in their underwear, I urge you to stop and think of what exactly this slogan entails.

Also, if you come across a shot of this or the commercials or even the little song, please contact me at vershun@gmail.com and you will be well rewarded with textual relations with yours truly.

Edit: My lovely (and deadly) girlfriend Haley found this commercial which whistles the tune at the end and shows the slogan. She’ll be receiving all my relations (you can watch for a small fee (don’t tell her) ).

Edit x 2: This one (sent to me from my ladyfriend Lauri) has the song too):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0ecb9yYkcc

The Burger King Guy

OK so this is a giveaway; Hell he was marketed to be creepy. But having a dude wake up to the King in his bed staring at him has gone far past the boundaries of good taste.

It is however, much better than the defunct ad campaign put on by Dairy Queen and Princess Cruises (images coming soon if I feel like it, if not then this isn’t very funny and you’re wasting your time reading this. ^5 (high five) ).

Chuck Norris and the Total Gym

Chuck Norris’ decision to endorse this workout equipment might have been great for the Total Gym, but it has put us night-owl infomercial watchers in an uncomfortable position. This 30 minute segment comes on at about 2 AM here, or in my time between the bag of Doritos and the quart of ice cream. We like to watch things like a knife cutting through a brick, a blender that can make a soda can smoothie, or, if it has to be about exercise, preferably a device that electrocutes our muscles into shape while we continue to lethargically lay on the couch. When Chuck Norris comes on though, we have no choice but to stupidly watch and want whatever he’s selling. You can’t change the channel, of course, since I read on the internet he can see you and will probably break things of yours that you might want later (e.g. your face).

There are a few important facts to know before you submit to Chuck’s awesomeness and buy a Total Gym.

1. You’re just pulling yourself up on a slant. This is basically like doing pullups on the moon. Yes it might work for Chuck Norris, but he weighs like… infinity.
2. That money could go other places. Remember that dream you had when you were 26 about moving out of your parents basement? Keep the dream alive.
3. Put the bag of chips on the ground, close your eyes, and imagine yourself actually working out. You’ll either be disgusted or be asleep, either way you win.

Puff Daddy’s “Vote or Die” Campaign

Besides being blatantly over-the-top on this, the scariest part was that it was endorsed by Puff Daddy. His people have guns and stuff. And they kill people all the time. Actually his kind commit more crimes than any other group of people.

I’m talking about music producers you racist assholes (statistics may be completely made up).

By far the scariest part was that he was completely correct:

I did think the nuclear bomb going off in the background was a bit much, but Green Peace (from which this image was taken) has been known to have rational and conservative views so I’m going to roll with it

The Snuggles Bear

Dear. Christ

Snuggles managed to do what all the Child’s Play movies, R.L. Stine’s Night of the Living Dummy (that’s right people, a Goosebumps throwback), and the end of Screamers tried to do but failed. Give a kid’s toy life and make it terrifying. The last thing I ever want to think about is a teddy bear rolling around in my laundry giggling like a demented school girl.

Dolls aren’t scary, ventriloquist dummies aren’t scary, and moving teddy bears aren’t scary. You want to know what’s scary? The fucking Snuggles Bear.