Today I had the pleasure of watching a dance and musical “performance” put on by a bunch of screaming first graders (my sister is their teacher). While truly unremarkable in every way you can imagine, albeit the end song was pretty cool, the experience ended on an incredible note.
After the show, fairly distraught and hoping I was infertile, I had the pleasure of using the elementary school’s facilities. Now I’m aware that children are relatively small compared to real people, but the toilets in this bathroom astounded and amazed me.
They were a foot tall and the bowls were so tiny there was less of a chance of you falling into the toilet than the toilet falling into you. I snapped a quick picture with my phone to document this awesomeness.
Now I’ve had 22 years of experience in urinating. I’m pretty damn good at it, and that’s me being modest. But try pissing into a toilet made for a Barbie Playhouse while convulsing in laughter. Point is I defiled that sad little toilet and tomorrow some munchkin is going to pay.
Now I had it out with my roommate about this. He thinks that is a good size for kindergartners and I was overreacting. So after scouring the internet, I found that the average height of a kindergartner is 43 inches and from the base of the foot to the back of the knee is about 1/3 of your body length. Since we all know the best angle for pooping is 90 degrees ( that’s pi/2 radians for the socially inept math nerds), the height of the toilet should be = height/3. So using our average height, we get that their kneecaps should be around 14.33 inches, making the toilet 2 1/3 inches too low for your run-of-the-mill kiddo.
Granted that isn’t too bad (20% away from the optimal pooping position), but the point is it’s still a really small fucking toilet.
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